Neil Diamond “Sweet Caroline” (Live)
Mark Holder “Sweet Caroline”
Wham! “Careless Whisper”
Ben Folds & Rufus Wainwright “Careless Whisper” (Live)

Last weekend I managed to rock the karaoke mic two nights running. At a Friday night party, friends had set up their computer as a karaoke system, and I got to warm up for an already planned, full-on Saturday night session at a box karaoke joint in the basement of a Koreatown mall. It was a total blast.

So, wishing y’all yr own Weekend of the Golden Throat, I’ve posted what I believe to be the godhead of karaoke songs, “Sweet Caroline”–a version by Diamond and a neat reggae-inflected cover I grabbed recently from Soul Sides.

Super Diamond, Uncle Phranc’s drag king act, Saving Silverman–you can find plenty of modern-era pop cult tokens of Neil Diamond’s overwhelming campiness. Unfortunately that sort of obscures the guy’s well-earned rep as an amazing songwriter.

There’s a core singalongability (ha!) to Diamond’s songs that make them perfect karaoke fodder. You really can’t go wrong with a Neil selection–”I’m A Believer,” “Cracklin’ Rose,” “Red, Red Wine,” even “Forever In Blue Jeans” (which makes an excellent follow-up to “Suspicious Minds,” for what it’s worth; their hooks have similar melodies and cadences).

But “Sweet Caroline” is the granddaddy of all karaoke tunes.

When folks have just gotten in and are feeling a little shy, when the room needs warming up, this is yr starter. After someone’s assayed some dour ballad listlessly (enthusiasm +/- alcohol being the true fuel of any box karaoke sesh), this will get people back into the flow.

The song feels like it was tactically designed for karaoke dynamics: sun-dappled, croony verse through slightly overdramatic prechorus into a chorus that’s pure gold. While the “hands/touching hands” section is a little harder to sing than anyone anticipates when the tune’s cued up, that’s just another part of the fun.

Those without the mic, don’t forget to chime in with a “ba-da-ba” when the refrain kicks in. It’s essential.

In the karaoke game, it’s important to work up a “card,” yr top tune to rock every sesh. I’m still honing my take on “I Just Wanna Luv U” (from now on I need to arrange for someone to play Pharrell to my Hov), so “Careless Whisper” remains my card. I’ve posted it here in its original version and a live cover by pianomen Ben Folds and Rufus Wainwright that I believe I picked up from Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands.

The first tricky thing about “Careless Whisper” as a karaoke choice is that there’s a really long instrumental section after the first verse. I’ll note that this is probably my favorite 80s sax part in a pop song, not to damn with faint praise.

Anyway: Be prepared to dance! For me, this also a good time to concentrate, to get a little bit Method about the whole thing and imagine myself as a young, clean-shaven George Michael, wracked with loneliness and regret because he’s just, um, danced with someone else behind his lover’s back.

When you get to the “tonight the music seems so loud” part, the key is to pull out all stops, no matter how embarrassing–Folds and Wainwright understand this, clearly. And after all, there should be no embarrassment within the box. No matter how deep you get into it, be ready to pull yrself back from the brink to smooth it on the falsetto “now who’s gonna dance with me,” but with the reserves of energy to belt “please stay!” right before another chorus.

Must admit I fell off rhythm during the bridge this past Saturday and sorta botched the whole thing. But I’ll be back to that club in the mall basement. I realized while preparing this post that in some sort of weird cosmic coincidence–OK, it doesn’t take much to impress me–I bought Make It Big in that same mall about five or so years ago.

Neil Diamond: The Greatest Hits at Newbury Comics.
Neil Diamond Gold at iTunes.
Wham!’s Make It Big at Target. (What’s up, iTunes?)